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Mindful Self Compassion: Practical Ways to Be Kinder to Yourself
By Teemu Arina ·
Mindful self compassion means meeting difficulty with kindness and awareness, rather than attacking yourself or getting swept up in painful thoughts. Loving-kindness meditation, Zen-informed acceptance and small, repeatable actions offer ways to practise it in everyday life.
Talks at Biohacker Summit Helsinki 2017 and Biohacker Summit Amsterdam 2022 present self-compassion as a practice built through meditation, ordinary tasks and manageable actions after a setback.
What mindful self compassion means in everyday life
A clinical overview describes three components: self-kindness rather than self-judgement, common humanity rather than isolation, and mindfulness rather than over-identification with painful experiences. It links self-compassion with psychological flourishing and reduced psychopathology (clinical overview of self-compassion).
After missing a deadline, someone might notice the urge to call themselves useless, recognise that others struggle too, and decide what would help next. This is neither self-pity nor a denial of responsibility. A mistake can be acknowledged and its impact considered without treating it as proof of personal failure.
At Biohacker Summit Helsinki 2017, Nelli Lähteenmäki said expectations shaped by past failures can contribute to future failures, and suggested self-affirmation and self-compassion in response:
One of the main reasons people fail is the expectation of failure based on the past. We can leverage psychology through self affirmation and self compassion.
— Nelli Lähteenmäki, Biohacker Summit Helsinki 2017
She emphasised responding more kindly after a setback, while still being honest about what went wrong:
Practicing self compassion and positive self talk makes you much more likely to succeed in your personal self improvement journey.
— Nelli Lähteenmäki, Biohacker Summit Helsinki 2017
How loving-kindness meditation can build a kinder response
Loving-kindness meditation, or metta, rehearses goodwill. Inka Immonen led a guided session at Biohacker Summit Helsinki 2017, describing the practice, rooted in Buddhist tradition, as kindness, compassion and friendliness. Wishing others well, she explained, trains the practitioner's own mind:
Loving-kindness meditation is a self-practice of goodwill. Even though we think about other people and wish them happiness, we are ultimately training our own minds.
— Inka Immonen, Biohacker Summit Helsinki 2017
Love here means inclusive goodwill rather than romance. Immonen's four wishes were to be safe, happy, healthy and able to live with ease.
A practical version of the session:
- Settle into a supported posture. Plant the feet, support the sitting bones, sit upright, open the shoulders and rest the hands in the lap.
- Begin with yourself. Silently repeat: may I be safe; may I be happy; may I be healthy; may I live with ease.
- Extend the wishes. Bring to mind a friend, a stranger, then all beings, repeating the wishes without requiring a particular feeling.
- Return when attention wanders. Immonen encouraged practitioners to congratulate themselves for noticing distraction, then return to the phrases.
That last step turns distraction into a chance to practise self-kindness. You notice it and begin again, without forcing warmth or positivity. Immonen said goodwill can extend beyond meditation:
Life does not happen on the meditation cushion; life happens in every moment and every second. You can always take this attitude of goodwill with you and cultivate it wherever you go.
— Inka Immonen, Biohacker Summit Helsinki 2017
The clinical overview lists loving-kindness among the Mindful Self-Compassion programme's meditations, alongside daily practices such as soothing touch and self-compassionate letter writing (clinical overview of self-compassion).
Zen practice: meeting difficult feelings with mindfulness and acceptance
At Biohacker Summit Amsterdam 2022, Yogetsu Akasaka described Zen practice as noticing reactions and meeting them with acceptance rather than judgement. He called the ego a "best friend" that signals what it wants and does not want. The metaphor is about listening to a reaction without automatically obeying it or turning it into a verdict.
Using an unpleasant cleaning task as an example, he voiced the mind's objection that the mess is not one's responsibility:
Yogetsu Akasaka at HOLOLIFE Summit 2025 Tokyo
“Who did this? I do not want to clean it, this is not my job. Who did this?”
— Yogetsu Akasaka, Biohacker Summit Amsterdam 2022
Cleaning can reveal irritation and resistance as they arise, he said:
Cleaning is also a mindful practice so you can notice what your ego says, what your best friend says. Acceptance and tolerance and compassion are the keys to being a good friend to the ego.
— Yogetsu Akasaka, Biohacker Summit Amsterdam 2022
The same applies to reluctance to apologise, frustration with a slow process or avoiding a difficult conversation. Noticing a feeling does not require acting on it; it creates room to choose a response.
He also described what happens when people resist or attach to emotions:
Everything flows; everything appears and disappears in the end. When we resist or attach to something, it sticks to your life. It keeps coming back until you totally experience and accept it.
— Yogetsu Akasaka, Biohacker Summit Amsterdam 2022
One experiment is to choose a routine task that provokes annoyance, such as washing up or tidying a shared space, and notice the mind's commentary without arguing with it. Treat the task as a chance to watch a reaction as it happens, whether or not you stay calm.
He connected this self-observation with greater tolerance for others:
Everything is a mirror of ourselves. When you accept what you have in your mind, you will be more tolerant of others because you understand they are doing the same things as you.
— Yogetsu Akasaka, Biohacker Summit Amsterdam 2022
Small habit changes that make self-compassion easier to practise
At Biohacker Summit Helsinki 2017, Lähteenmäki recommended micro actions, meaning manageable, personally meaningful behaviours rather than sweeping changes.
A successful micro action should feel easy, it should feel important to you, and it should feel meaningful and captivating.
— Nelli Lähteenmäki, Biohacker Summit Helsinki 2017
Her examples included thanking your body, practising positive self-talk and saying "I am enough". Attaching an action to an existing routine, such as pausing after brushing your teeth, makes it specific and easy to repeat.
She also suggested recording completed actions with a note or photo, which can help someone see they are living according to their values. Tracking is optional; the central idea is making the next kind action attainable.
A friend or community can help sustain change:
Having a supportive community or friend by your side can supersize your likelihood of succeeding in your behavior change process.
— Nelli Lähteenmäki, Biohacker Summit Helsinki 2017
If a planned action is missed, resume at the next opportunity with positive self-talk and a small next step, rather than treating the effort as failed.
What research says about self-compassion and wellbeing
The studies below suggest self-compassion can be cultivated, and structured programmes have been associated with improvements in wellbeing and stress-related outcomes. Findings vary by population and study design, so they do not show that one practice works the same way for everyone.
The clinical overview describes Mindful Self-Compassion as an eight-week programme combining meditation with informal daily exercises (clinical overview of self-compassion).
A systematic review of five studies involving nurses found medium-to-large effect sizes for mindful self-compassion interventions on self-compassion, traumatic stress, burnout, stress and compassion satisfaction, with high average adherence (systematic review of mindful self-compassion for nurses). These findings concern a specific professional group.
Two studies of a programme adapted for healthcare communities found increased self-compassion and wellbeing in one study, with gains maintained at three months. The second reported reduced burnout and secondary traumatic stress, but had no control group (study of a Mindful Self-Compassion adaptation for healthcare communities).
A clinical trial involving 75 people with generalised anxiety disorder compared a self-compassion intervention, a mindfulness intervention and usual treatment. Its abstract reports more rapid reductions in anxiety and depression in both intervention groups than with usual treatment, and faster sleep-quality improvement in the self-compassion group than in the other groups. The study was single-blinded and non-randomised, so the findings are promising rather than definitive (trial of a self-compassion intervention for generalised anxiety disorder).
A survey of palliative care providers found positive correlations between mindful self-care, self-compassion and resilience during the COVID-19 pandemic (survey of palliative care providers). Because it was a cross-sectional survey, it shows association; it cannot show that self-compassion caused greater resilience.
A simple practice for responding to a difficult moment
The illustration shows a difficult moment as a path of small steps, moving from turbulence toward calm and a clear next choice.
This sequence combines Immonen's goodwill practice, Akasaka's mindful observation and Lähteenmäki's manageable actions. It is a practical synthesis rather than a formal protocol.
- Notice what is happening. Name the feeling or thought: "I feel embarrassed," or "I'm telling myself I always get this wrong."
- Make room for the reaction. Acknowledge it without arguing or treating it as the whole truth.
- Remember common humanity. Other people also make mistakes, feel overwhelmed or struggle with similar situations.
- Offer yourself goodwill. Use Immonen's wishes: may I be safe, happy, healthy and able to live with ease.
- Choose one small next step. Correct an error, ask for support or pause before replying.
A difficult feeling may not disappear on demand. The point is to meet it with enough kindness and awareness to choose what to do next. The HOLOLIFE Summit 2026 Amsterdam takes place on 14th–15th November 2026 in Amsterdam.
FAQ
What is mindful self compassion?
It means responding to painful experiences with kindness while noticing them clearly, rather than judging yourself or becoming consumed by distress. Its components are self-kindness, common humanity and mindfulness (clinical overview of self-compassion).
What are the three pillars of mindful self-compassion?
Self-kindness rather than self-judgement, common humanity rather than isolation, and mindfulness rather than over-identification. In practice, this means treating yourself with care, recognising difficulty as part of human life, and seeing thoughts and feelings without being defined by them.
Can you give examples of self-compassion?
After a mistake, someone can acknowledge what happened without calling themselves a failure, then choose a constructive next step. Other examples include saying "I am enough", noticing irritation during a routine task, or wishing yourself safety and ease in loving-kindness meditation.
How can loving-kindness meditation help with self-compassion?
It practises goodwill, often beginning with oneself and extending to others. Inka Immonen described it as training one's own mind, and the Mindful Self-Compassion overview includes it among the programme's meditations.
Sources
Papers
- Self-compassion in clinical practice, Journal of Clinical Psychology (2013)
- Mindful self-compassion for nurses: a systematic review, Nursing Management (2022)
- Caring for others without losing yourself: an adaptation of the Mindful Self-Compassion Program for Healthcare Communities, Journal of Clinical Psychology (2020)
- Investigating the effects and efficacy of self-compassion intervention on generalized anxiety disorders, Journal of Affective Disorders (2024)
- Mindful self-care, self-compassion, and resilience among palliative care providers during the COVID-19 pandemic, Journal of Pain and Symptom Management (2022)
Talks
- Talk: "Guided Loving-Kindness Meditation", Inka Immonen, Biohacker Summit Helsinki 2017
- Talk: "Hack Your Habits and Change Your Life", Nelli Lähteenmäki, Biohacker Summit Helsinki 2017
- Talk: "Zen Practice for Hacking the Ego", Yogetsu Akasaka, Biohacker Summit Amsterdam 2022
This article is for general information and is not medical advice.
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